Say It Through Music
by CUtopia
Summary: Rafael manages to throw Olivia's world upside down - all he needed was a song. Barson.


The wonderful _barsonaddict_ helped me to develop this idea – it's always fun to go over plots with you!

Also, the general idea of this, with Rafael serenading Olivia, is a request from _Softrock-showtunesgirlscout22_! I hope you like it ;)

This wasn't betaed, so I hope you can forgive me for any mistakes I may have made.

(3890 Words)

* * *

 **Say It Through Music**

Olivia Benson normally was looking forward to events of the charity organisations she was supporting due to her job, as they gave her the opportunity to hold up the flag for women's rights and for the victims of rape and abuse. Also, she'd often met women again whose cases she'd worked, and it made her aware why she was doing this job – many of them had built up new lives, had become stronger, and it made her feel like there was some sense in seeing all these horrible things every day.

However, today she felt a lot less of her usual anticipation as she checked her appearance in the mirror, smoothing down the fabric of her black cocktail dress and checking for the dozenth time if the dress really covered all her scars.

Maybe it was because Tucker was being bitchy about having to attend too if he wanted to see anything of her this weekend – she originally hadn't planned to take him with her, and she wanted to spend the Sunday in the park with Noah. The thing was that her Sunday plans without Tucker had been intentional – she'd noticed that Noah didn't seem too fond of Tucker – but the Saturday evening hadn't.

She didn't know why, but when she'd been asked to confirm her presence and the of her squad, she'd simply forgotten about Tucker. Not that he seemed to be happy about attending after complaining that she didn't think of him, but thought of making sure Rafael Barba and her whole squad were invited. Maybe it was justified, but she highly disliked that he was still moaning about it weeks later.

And if she was honest, a part of her deep down wished that he wouldn't show up as she got out of the taxi at the venue and only saw Amanda, Carisi and Barba waiting in front of the building. While Amanda and Sonny only briefly greeted her, as they were way too occupied making photos of them in their fancy attire, Rafael turned his whole attention to her as she approached.

A rare smile of genuine appreciation crossed his features as he looked at her, being his usual confident self in a black tuxedo, and she wondered where the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach was coming from.

"You look wonderful," he said, offering her his arm, and Olivia returned his smile, feeling her cheeks getting a little bit warmer.

"Thank you, Barba. You don't look too bad yourself," she replied, winking at him and her brown curls danced over she shoulder as she turned her head. Amanda and Sonny were in the middle of making a prom-pose photo, so they didn't notice how Olivia and Rafael went inside together.

It was only a small event with mostly former victims who were now engaging themselves into the charity to help others the same way they'd been supported, and Olivia walked around for a bit with a glass of champagne. Rafael didn't leave her side while they greeted people, and somehow, it felt good to have him with her – in moments like these, she realised how much she'd missed him around during the time they'd been distant.

And she found herself forgetting that Tucker was supposed to show up as she conversed with people and then joked around with Rafael, who seemed to be just as glad as her that this felt absolutely normal. She probably was supposed to feel guilty for forgetting about her boyfriend, but then she remembered briefly how unmotivated he'd looked upon hearing that she'd changed her invitation to 'plus one' because he'd complained. Somehow, that thought made her feel like she didn't have anything to have second thoughts about – she couldn't imagine Tucker being by her side while she talked with these women, asking how they were doing. Rafael, having worked many of the cases as well, remembered their stories and seemed rather comfortable in the situation, and it made Olivia feel proud.

It showed her once again that he cared about their victims and not only about winning the cases, and it made her feel a little bit of pride, especially as she remembered one late night conversation they'd had not long ago. Over a glass of scotch in his office, he'd told her that she'd changed him, and that he was grateful for that, even though being infected by her striving for justice sometimes meant losing a case.

They shared a smile as they walked towards their table, and it seemed like he knew exactly what she was thinking about in this very moment. A warm expression in his green eyes, Rafael gently placed one hand on her back, guiding her to their table and pulled her chair out for her when it was time to sit down. Just as he wanted to take his place next to her, a familiar voice behind her back said: "I think this might be my place, Barba."

Olivia turned on her chair, a little bit annoyed about the rude tone in which Tucker had spoken, and she couldn't help but glare and deny him to give her a kiss on the cheek as she hissed: "You're late."

She threw Rafael an apologetic glance as he moved around the table to sit next to Amanda, and though his face was neutral, she could tell from the way his shoulders tensed that he shared her disapproval of Tucker's behaviour.

"Traffic," Tucker replied curtly, grabbing a glass of whiskey from the tablet of a waiter who walked past their table, and Olivia somehow knew that it was a lie. Frustration was boiling inside of her, and she had a hard time keeping herself composed, even though she wanted to tell him that she was sick and tired of his attitude, of his open jealousy towards Rafael. Since they'd become closer again and had slowly rekindled their friendship after the incident during which he'd investigated Tucker, Tucker was being bitchy whenever she told him that she was working late with Barba or they were having a drink after court – even when they wouldn't have had time to meet anyway.

He didn't seem to understand why Rafael's friendship was important to her, and she'd given up on trying to explain, because Tucker only wanted to see the negative things that Rafael had done in the past. Sometimes she truly felt like Rafael understood her better than her own boyfriend, and she didn't even need to say anything in Rafael's presence so he knew how her mood was, or what was bothering her.

The words to tell him off were already tingling on her tongue, but she gulped them down as the president of the foundation took the stage and gave a short opening speech during which she greeted special guests and announced the program of the evening. A few short speeches would be delivered by organisations and artists who were raising money over their work would perform, but Olivia felt like her mood had sunken too much to look forward to seeing some rather famous people support their cause.

She didn't really listen while she sipped her Cabernet, unconsciously leaning away from Tucker, and only as Rafael was announced as the next speaker, on behalf of the Special Victims Unit and the office of the DA of Manhattan. From the corner of her eye she'd seen how Rafael had been nursing two glasses of scotch during the other speeches, and his charming smile and the way he took the microphone told her that the alcohol seemed to have taken effect already. He had one hand buried in the pocket of his pants and the buttons of his jacket were undone, yet he still looked rather serious.

"Well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Rafael Barba, the Assistant District Attorney for the Special Victims Unit, and Lieutenant Benson persuaded me to give this speech on behalf of all of us, who work these cases. I think all of my colleagues would agree if I say that it is truly uplifting to see that so many of the young women we encountered in the darkest time of their life, have fought their way back. It reminds us of the importance of our job, and that it is worth it to fight these hard battles."

He paused for a moment, and his gaze wandered through the room; everyone seemed to be hanging on his lips, and Olivia found herself anticipating his next words, too. It didn't happen often that Rafael spoke his mind in such a manner, and knowing him, she knew about all these unsaid things that were attached to the words he allowed everyone to hear. Countless nights worked through, difficult discussions, the stones that were put in their way by the law and the society.

A tingle ran down her spine as Rafael's gaze met hers, and she gave him a small smile. Had she imagined it, or had he paused for a moment upon spotting her expression? Surely she had, because he then turned towards the room again, looking completely normal.

"And I'm proud whenever I see displays of strength and willpower, how you fight your way back," Rafael said, and somehow, Olivia had the distinct feeling that he was talking about _her_. "You didn't let this break you. I know that it wasn't always easy, and therefore it is important that we make people aware that your struggle isn't over once the trial is closed."

He hesitated for a second, as if he was unsure if his next words were the right thing to say, but then he suddenly straightened his back, seemingly having made a decision.

"Well, I guess words can't describe how much I adore the way you don't give up, even though it seems to be too much."

Olivia blinked in confusion as Rafael moved over to the piano in the corner of the stage and sat down, putting the microphone into the attachment. His fingers fell onto the keys gently, and he started to play a melody that was rather familiar to her; it caused a tingle to run down her spine, and another one as he turned his head towards the audience again, his gaze fixed on her as he started to sing.

 _Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you_

 _Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you_

Olivia felt her face getting warm as she blushed under his gaze; it seemed like she was the only person in the room he could see, and she was caught somewhere between being embarrassed and flattered. She had the urge to cover her face with her hands, but she simply couldn't break their eye contact. From the corner of her eye she could see Tucker shifting and crossing his arms in front of his chest, his body language speaking of high disapproval.

Rafael had a clear voice, and sang with so much emotion that her hand was starting to tremble on her thigh; without noticing, her fingers curled into the material of her dress as she tried to keep herself under control. It moved something deep inside of her, making her choke slightly as a lump formed in her throat and confusion spread inside of her. She had a boyfriend, and yet she felt like she didn't care about that fact at all; the man on the stage was all she could think about, her mind spinning wildly.

The song was over way too fast for her liking, and as the last notes slowly faded, Rafael still held her gaze, a small, nearly shy smile appearing on his lips. There was not a single trace of his usual cockiness or mild arrogance; it was simply honest, and goosebumps covered her arms. Then, the room erupted into applause, and the spell was broken; the shock about what he'd just done hit her hard and she jumped from her chair.

Rafael was leaving the stage in the same moment as the moderator came back on, and while all the attention was directed to the next point on the program, Olivia grabbed Rafael's arm and steered him outside. Her knees felt wobbly, but she ignored it, allowing the little bit of anger inside of her to take control of her. As soon as they stood in front of the building, she asked loudly: "What the hell was that?"

"I'd like to know that, too," Tucker's furious voice came from behind her, and Olivia whipped around; Tucker looked like he wanted to jump at Rafael, and Olivia could tell from the way Tucker swayed lightly that he was a bit drunk as well.

"Tucker, go back inside, I'd like to speak with Rafael about this. Alone!"

"No. That little bastard just sang a love song for MY girlfriend, so I have a right to hear this, don't I? Who do you think you are, Barba? Do you think she likes you and your uptight suit ass?" Tucker exclaimed, his voice so loud that some people on the street turned around. He was slowly approaching them, glaring darkly at Rafael, and Olivia sensed danger. She hated that he was trying to make himself part of the discussion and simply ignored her request to let her handle this.

"Tucker, please go! I can do this by myself!" Olivia said with insistence, inwardly begging that he would listen to her and leave, but Tucker just took another step forwards.

"This is as much about me as it is about you!"

An uncomfortable feeling was slowly starting to build in the pit of her stomach, and she found herself straightening her back; with her heels, their height difference wasn't that significant anymore. She was glaring at him, and she realised that she was more angry with him than she was with Rafael by now.

By now, she was literally shielding Rafael, standing with her back to him, keeping Tucker from coming too close; Tucker had balled his hands into fists, and his knuckles were shining white in the late evening sun.

"Listen, Barba, keep your damn fingers off her, or I swear, I'm going to make you regret it."

Olivia gasped, her brown eyes wide as she looked at Tucker; she couldn't believe that he was really acting like this, and for a moment she hoped that she was simply having a bad dream. She'd never seen Tucker like that, and she felt angry that he seemed to have so little control over himself. Sure, he was allowed to be jealous, but she felt like she was in high school and not an adult who was standing in front of a grown man. The thought that Tucker might try to attack Rafael caused fear to course through her, and she found herself monitoring his every move, ready to react if it should become necessary.

"I don't think it's you who has the right to decide if I keep my fingers off her, Captain. If I recall correctly, Liv isn't owned by anyone, so it's her choice," Rafael suddenly said from behind her, his voice firm and calm, without a trace of arrogance in his expression. In fact, he sounded rather matter of factly – because he knew that he was right, and he knew it, but he didn't have to show it off.

Liv took a deep, shaky breath and stared up at Tucker fiercely and insistent as she hissed: "He's right. It's me who has to handle this. So please, leave us alone."

"You defend him?" Tucker spat out, and Liv asked herself how little trust he had to have in her when he thought that she couldn't manage a simple conversation about what Rafael had wanted to say with the song. Though, she thought to herself, maybe it was redundant, as the message had been rather clear, obviously.

"I'm simply stating a fact, Tucker!"

"Great, really. Okay, choose me or him, Olivia."

Rafael chuckled dryly and crossed his arms in front of his chest, his usual arrogance slowly returning as he stated: "Wow, what a great man you are, pressuring her because you're so insecure and jealous that you don't trust her at all. Wonderful basis for a relationship."

Olivia felt anger boiling inside of her as she listened to them, and suddenly, she snapped. "You know what? Kill each other, do whatever you want, I don't need any of this! I'm done, with both of you!"

And with that, she pushed her way past Tucker, not caring that she'd bumped his shoulder with so much force that he stumbled. She heard Tucker yelling something after her, but she didn't care, thus didn't turn around but marched on, her fingers wrapped tightly around her clutch. Her feet carried her down the street for some time before she hailed a cab, noticing that she was shaking with anger and confusion.

On the way to her apartment she was staring out of the window, her gaze fixed on the buildings against the darkening sky, and she asked herself what she was supposed to be doing now. This whole situation had thrown her life upside down from one minute to the other, and she seriously asked herself how she managed to get into such complicated situations again and again. Every single relationship she'd had in her life seemed to have gone down the drain, and now she had just ended another one.

Though, maybe she'd seen that coming already – she'd lost count over the amount of disagreements they'd had lately, and she couldn't deny that she felt a little bit of relief inside of her. It felt like the right thing to do, especially considering the scene that Tucker had made.

And then there was Rafael. He'd managed to throw her world into chaos in a matter of minutes, and a shiver ran down her spine as she remembered the intense way in which he'd looked at her while singing with so much emotion in his voice that she'd felt edgy.

She could barely find any sleep that night, turning from one side to the other and trying to ignore that the screen of her phone flashed again and again. It was probably Tucker who was calling her, but she didn't care; all she wanted was to sleep.

OoO

Olivia stifled a yawn as she watched Noah playing in the sandbox of the playground; seeing her son happy and carefree made her forget about the night that lay behind her for some time. Her spinning mind had kept her awake for very long, and when she'd finally managed to fall asleep, she'd dreamt of Rafael and his green eyes.

Noah suddenly waved, excitement showing on his face, and she waved back with a small smile, only now noticing that someone had sat down next to her on the bench. Turning her head, she saw Rafael smirking at Noah, though this expression fell immediately as he looked her into the eyes. He seemed tense, and just as tired, but he managed to smile softly as he handed her one of the coffees he'd been holding.

"Hey. I brought your favourite pastries, and something for Noah, too," he said, and she could spot a little bit of fear flicker across his features – he seemed to be worried that she would scream at him, but she was just too tired and still too confused to do that.

Instead, she just took the coffee with a thankful nod and placed the paper bag of her favourite bakery next to her bag while asking: "How did you find us?"

"Like you, I got my tricks," he replied with a smirk, but she simply glared at him – she was not in the mood for jokes. "I called Rollins. And I want you to know that it wasn't easy for me to do that. She kept teasing me about last night before finally telling me that you wanted to take Noah to the park and I feel like Carisi and her are going to blackmail me in the foreseeable future."

"My sympathy," she mumbled, and he chuckled nervously before his expression turned serious.

"Look, I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday and clear the air between us before we go back to work on Monday."

Olivia was surprised by herself as her stomach suddenly dropped in shock, and even though his song had thrown her world into a complete chaos, she still felt uncomfortable and regretful as she interpreted his words.

"So you're taking back what you...," she started, but somehow she couldn't finish the sentence, the words getting stuck in her throat, and she cursed inwardly as she felt herself blushing. In a desperate attempt to mask this, she took a sip from her coffee and looked over to where Noah was, but she just knew that he'd seen her red cheeks. All she could do now was wait for him to confirm and make everything between them even more awkward. Somehow she wished he would have let things open, so they both could have went back to work while ignoring that this song had ever been sung.

"No, I'm not taking anything back!" Rafael stated, looking a little bit confused as she turned her head towards him, her eyes wide in surprise. "I meant everything, Liv, I'm in love with you... I just wanted to apologise for making a scene and embarrassing you in front of everyone. I didn't think about what I was doing, because you, Olivia Benson, drive me crazy."

Olivia's heart skipped a beat as she stared at him, blinking a few times while fearing that this was a dream. Rafael smiled softly, love and affection shining in his green eyes, and Olivia's skin tingled pleasantly as he took her hand.

Her gaze flickered down to his lips, then back to his eyes, and they were both moving forward in the same moment, meeting halfway. Their lips touched, and Olivia's eyelids fluttered shut and Rafael cupped her cheek with his free hand. It was a gentle kiss, slow and nearly innocent, as if they had all the time in the world, and still there were so many bottled-up feelings breaking free that Olivia felt dizzy.

She didn't know for how long the kiss really lasted, but she didn't really want it to end as they parted slowly, his hand moving from her face down to her hip in a gesture that signaled her that he didn't want her to put distance between them.

"Can I assume that this means you like me too?" Rafael asked with a playful wink, and Olivia chuckled, feeling every bit of tension that had lingered inside of her vanishing as he smirked and they kissed again after she'd whispered a faint 'Yes'.

THE END


End file.
